Zeno's Last Grain: A Hilarious Sci-Fi Space Comedy (The Galaxy Marshals Book 1) by Jay Gaskell
Author:Jay Gaskell [Gaskell, Jay]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simulacrum Press Publishers
Published: 2021-09-22T22:00:00+00:00
* * *
âIâm getting a blister on my index finger,â says Charles. âAnd my arm is aching in places I never knew could ache. I think I have a chronic R.S.I. problem.â
Ever the contrarian, Arthur is enjoying the choreâlying on his back with his hands behind his head, pressing some of the lower buttons with his big toes.
âYou may be right,â says Arthur nonchalantly. âThe problem is, you still think youâre a bureaucrat, but in actuality, youâre just a regular unemployed Joe now. Your Residual Self Image does indeed not correlate with your current predicament. Nice insight there, dole-ee.â
âR.S.I.âRepetitive Strain Injuryâyou moron. Did you learn to do that in monkey school?â asks Charles, gesturing towards Arthurâs dexterous toes.
Arthur claps his hands limply like a primate and makes some chimpanzee-like noises.
âI miss working,â says Cuthbert, getting all misty. âThe routine and order of it⦠it made me feel like I had a purpose.â
âWe all have a purpose,â says Arthur, âat all times. The universe is a mystical place. Oh, yesâ¦â
âArthur, do you have faith?â I ask, suddenly curious. âDo you think the ancients were on to something?â
âOh, I have faith in many things,â says Arthur. âTake these big toes for example,â he says, pointing down at them. âTheyâve got me out of more than a few scrapes, I can tell you.â
âNot that kind of faith,â I say smiling. âThe spiritual kind.â
âOh, that. Didnât I mention? I am God,â he says theatrically, before grinning that stupid grin of his.
âDelusions of grandeur,â says Charles. âMental note: add that to the list.â
âWhen I travelled through time, Iââ Arthur says, but then stops as if someone has flicked the channel in his brain. âOh, myâ¦â
âWhat is it, Arthur?â I ask.
âDoes God need a break?â asks Charles.
âOh, my⦠oh, myâ¦â he goes on. I look up and see an army of Zulons wandering into the central hub, moving towards us. âWe havenât been turning the switches off,â he says. âI just remembered. How could I forget? Weâve been turning them on. âQuick, flick them back. Hurry!â says Arthur, sounding unusually flustered.
âWhatâs the hurry?â I ask. âTheyâre holograms. They canât harm us. Not without the cooperation of the charybdis; and he is playing on our team, remember?â
âUmm⦠I may not have mentioned before,â says Arthur, still manically resetting the switches, âbut they do have the ability to interact with biological organisms, at least temporarily anyway, through the use of advanced haptic technology.â
âWhat?â
âItâs a drain on their power supply, but they can be contiguous with beings that have a sense of touch, when they need to be.â
Charles stops what heâs doing and approaches Arthur with fire in his eyes. âSo what youâre saying, in your non compos mentis, opposable-toed, below the bell curve, simian kind of way, is this hoard of angry Zulon-clones can attack us. They can rip us to pieces like a posse of hungry, flesh eating carnivores and then juggle our eyeballs afterwards, just for fun. Would that be accurate, Oh Wise One?â
âWell, not exactly.
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